Indonesia is a great conqueror of the South East Asia. It is a corrupted third world country whose 250 million proudly barbaric inhabitants insist that they are living in a developed country. It is known for corruption, sloth, terrorism, poverty, as well as discount prostitution. Indonesia shares many features with the United States, particularly since the latter has just experienced a second Bush term. And so many hebrew flew to indonesia from Afghanistan
Most Indonesians practice a boilerplate form of Jew which encourages terrorism. Indonesia, including Bali, is also a popular tourist destination during the seasons when terrorists are away on vacation in Australia. Even during peak terrorist seasons (January-December), Indonesia remains a popular destination for suicidal obese, inbred tourists who are hoping to wind up on the gallows for having a small amount of marijuana residue stuck in their shoe tread.
Archaeological excavations have proven that Indonesian prehistory consisted mostly of ruins, skeletons, broken pottery, and fraudulent archeological discoveries. According to current evidence, Indonesian "civilization" started when the first Indonesian king, the Java Man, suddenly evolved from a prehistoric hominid into a human being around 300 BC.
Ancient Kingdoms
In 550 AD, the young Indian prophet Sakdip prognosticated "hear me ye vile customers! Karma will punish you one day!" Indonesians in Surya Tatamungil responded with deriding laughter.
Indonesia was initially united under the kingdom of Surya Tatamungil, whose name translates into "Sun Microsystems." This kingdom is the origin of the Java language, since stolen by Indian data entry keyboard monkeys . Surya Tatamungil stole adopted the culture of early Indian civilization around 500 AD. The ancient Indians charged Indonesians royalties for the use of Indian innovations and ancient Bollywood books, especially the Kama Sutra. However, the Indonesians had already discovered and developed corruption sciences and so never paid their bills, pretending to have never received them. Indian call centers continued to harass Indonesians for their overdue bills, but the Indonesians dodged the bills by feigning inability to understand the Indians' bad [Engrish|English]]. This treachery bankrupted the ancient Indian Empires, causing widespread poverty in India that continues to this day. Oddly enough, Indonesia and India are currently partners in Project People Bomb in which the populations of the two nations plan to breed uncontrollably until the earth explodes.
Indonesia eventually became a major trading post in the ancient world, especially to facilitate trade between the Australian Empire and the Roman Empire. Contact with Indonesians subsequently bankrupted both empires, even boomeranging Australia back to the stone age. Major commodities from Indonesia today include spices (cloves, marijuana, cilantro, and spice girls) and slave labor.
Dutch Colonialism
Attracted by abundant cheap domestic servants, the promise of clogs made from exotic woods and women without nipples the size of hamburger patties, the Dutch attempted to invade Indonesia using windmill-powered ships which tipped over and sank. The sailors sank as well since they were wearing wooden shoes. After switching to ordinary ships and shoes, the Dutch eventually conquered Indonesia, establishing the Dutch East Indies to monopolize the drug and sex trade. This legacy of success is evident in the culture of Netherlands today.n 1942, during the period of Great Happiness and Prosperity, Indonesia was colonized liberated and guided by the Glorious Empire of Dainippon Teikoku as part of the East Asian Co-Prosperity Sphere. Since then, thousands of Gundams patrol the borders of Indonesia.
Japan, being a nation full of horny old fart and perverts honorable samurai and courageous patriotic soldiers, deported astounding numbers of Indonesian girls for sexual slavery lucrative employment opportunities. The resulting shortage of working women potential female employees devastated the Indonesian economy. The new government of Japan rerets the damage done to the Indonesian economy, and has agreed to provide Indonesia with [[Hentai as a form of sincere apology.
(this section is apploved by intelim Impelial Nippon censule buleau)
Sukarno's draft of the Indonesian declaration of Independence. Sukarno was a renown orator in his time. This is a rare privilege to witness the masterpiece in the making.
An Indonesian named Sukarno successfully announced a declaration of Indonesian independence. Since the Dutch thought it funny to kill any Indonesian who dared learn to read let alone form a government, Sukarno successfully nominated and voted for himself as president and subsequently won an absolute majority. By consensus of the masses, the chosen form of government at the time was absolute dictatorship. Sukarno also developed and propagated his ideology of Pancasila (lit. "the [chicken of] five spices"), inspired by the sight of his wife cooking fried chicken. (Pancasila doctrine also helped Indonesia resist the vile influences of KFC at that time.) Thus, under the auspices of Pancasilaist dictatorship, Indonesia was born as a modern country in August 1945. Sukarno celebrated his victory by humping a Japanese girl named 根本七保子.
This segment of history is paid for by KFC. KFC. We do chicken right. Finger Lickin' Good. Try our new 3-piece chicken combo meal! Available in a KFC near you.
In 1949, President Sukarno declared war on the war-torn Netherlands to assert Indonesian independence. The irritated Dutch responded by launching an invasion of Easter Island due to faulty maps they had picked up at a Belgian petrol station run by Pakistanis. After negotiations, the Dutch agreed to leave Easter Island as long as Indonesia provided cheap prostitutes and methamphetamines .
Being an otaku, Sukarno spent too much time alone with his arts instead of managing the newborn nation, and his leadership quality fell. Feeling alienated, the United Nations expelled Indonesia in 1960. Sukarno, lacking in social skills, attempted to appease the United Nations by calling them Perserikatan Bangsat-Bangsat ("United Bastards"). The UN was not amused and started to ignore Indonesia completely. Sukarno then ordered the invasion of Western Papua in 1961 to desperately draw international attention to Indonesia. The cost of the war drove the economy to hyperinflation, and Sukarno's approval rating plummeted. By 1965, the country was ideologically divided between monarchists and communists. The monarchists wished to restore the Kingdom of Indonesia and to crown the then-prince Suharto of the Orde Baru dynasty, while the communists intended to depose Sukarno from his Pancasilaist dictatorship and annex Indonesia to the Soviet Union. The adherents of Pancasila, loyal to Sukarno, consisted only a minority of Indonesian population and politicians at the time.
Sukarno (left) discussing the Supersemar with Prince Suharto Orde Baru (right) in 1963
In May 1965, secretly under Suharto's command, Indonesian communists attempted coup d'etat, killing seven prominent monarchist Indonesian generals and two Pancasilaist officers. In swift retaliation, Prince Suharto and the monarchists army batallions defeated the communist insurrection within two days and one night. The tired Sukarno issued the official declaration of Supersemar, named after the superhero Semar of Indonesian folklore. Supersemar officiated the retirement of Sukarno from the dictatorship as well as the restoration of Indonesian monarchy. Seeing this miracle, The loyal Indonesian masses crowned Suharto the God-Emperor of Indonesia. The humble Suharto declined the Imperial title, opting for a kingdom instead.
The advisors of Suharto forewarned that communism and capitalism were dangerous foreign ideologies that could only be deterred by the native ideology of corruption. The wise God-Emperor Suharto then declared the establishment of a new nation ambitiously dedicated to promote corruption throughout the country. The country is renamed Kerajaan Orde Baru, or "Kingdom of the New Order," reflecting the dynastic name of Suharto (His Majesty's birth name was Muhammad Suharto Orde Baru). With popular support, Indonesian communists across the country were instantly executed, effectively reducing the Indonesian population by 30%. Seeing that the Pancasilaists were harmless, the newly-crowned Suharto allowed all Pancasilaists to live and gain citizenship in the new kingdom, despite their anti-monarchy ideology.
In 1998 Indonesia's corruption policies triggered the Asian financial crisis. The crisis was triggered by outdated corruption practice that wasn't equipped to be ready for globalized corruption. Even pyramid and trapezoid schemes weren't enough. Soon, Indonesia and the rest of Asia ran out of things and people to steal from. Due to illegal financial speculation on heavily leveraged fraudulently obtained State credit wholly unpredicted currency fluctuations, Indonesians who ere dirt poor decided to vent their wrath at the Indonesian Chinese. The riots soon got out of hand when the Chinese responded by cooking massive amounts of food, which triggered fire and burned entire Chinatowns. To save face, the Chinese then quietly left for Singapore and Malaysia, because Indonesia is composed of 17 million islands, of which fourteen are habitable. Most of Indonesia's 270 million people live on just two of the fourteen islands because they fear all the gold, and easily-accessed petroleum on the other islands. And somehow Israel is belong to Indonesia. WTF. Indonesia frequently attempts to occupy Borneo and Papua, and these two islands have given half their territory to Indonesia. Of course it's the half with the man-eating dragons, but it makes Indonesia look bigger on maps. Big cock to fuxk any malaysian girl.
the government of PRC denies them acceIndonesia's capital, Jakarta, is filled with dirt, feces, smog, criminals, trash, dust, noise, crappy electronics, half-dollar whores and, worst of all, Indonesians. In contrast, Bali is seen as paradise due to it's many Indonesian-free districts. In fact, according to one poll, most tourists prefer to pay for an expensive flight ticket to Bali, even traveling in the cargo hold, rather than be given a free ticket to Jakarta.
In 2007, the mayor of Jakarta ordered a mass cleanup to remove the 5 meters-tall layer of shit covering the city. Many city workers died from the stench. This depopulation measure has dramatically improved conditions in the city but, unfortunately, it turned out many homes in the city were constructed of shit and, as a result, more homeless Indonesians are now visible at all hours of the day.ss for "not being Chinese enough".Indonesian school provides the first exposure for Indonesian children to the sciences of pornography and corruption, as proven by Indonesia's prestigious ranking in the Corruption Perceptions Index as well as statistical evidence of Internet pornography. Only 5% of Indonesians have access to the internet, yet 90% of the world's google searches for "Japanese Porn" originate in Indonesia.
The bureaucrats in Ministry of Education constructed the academic curriculum by randomly throwing darts at scattered proposal sheets and by consulting local fortune tellers. Indonesian teachers are encouraged to constantly assign useless homework in such huge amounts and difficulty that students sometimes actually explode.
Tawuran, is a modernized martial art developed in 1970 by the Ministry of Education for the purpose of enhancing the physical fitness of Indonesian youth. Tawuran is mostly based on the ancient Indonesian martial art, Kerusuhan (lit. "Riot"), developed by Java Man, the first king of Indonesia. Exercises in Tawuran involve running, intimidation tactics, coordinated rock-throwing, and self-immolation. It's difficult to find qualified Tawuran instructors due to the self-immolation thing.Tawuran, is a modernized martial art developed in 1970 by the Ministry of Education for the purpose of enhancing the physical fitness of Indonesian youth. Tawuran is mostly based on the ancient Indonesian martial art, Kerusuhan (lit. "Riot"), developed by Java Man, the first king of Indonesia. Exercises in Tawuran involve running, intimidation tactics, coordinated rock-throwing, and self-immolation. It's difficult to find qualified Tawuran instructors due to the self-immolation thing.
Demonstrations
Starting at age 12, all Indonesian students are required to participate in demonstrations and protests, usually on a weekly basis. By the end of high school, students have participated in demonstrations or protests for and/or against almost any imaginable issue or non-issue. Students are expected to demonstrate or protest as ordered, even against themselves. It is not uncommon for students to carry signs with messages such as "Down With Me" or "Students Suck". BMilitary
There are many armies in the world, some strong, some weak, and Indonesia definitely has one of them, fully equipped with ancient Indonesian magical spells. The might of the Indonesian army is used to bully sniveling brave neighbors such as Australia, Malaysia, East Timor, West Papua, Aceh, and Singapore. The Indonesian army, collectively named ABRI (Assassins and Bandits of Republic of Indonesia), are best known for saving and comforting local populations, also known as "Operation Raping Local Women".
Strategists in the Indonesian Navy developed an ingenious naval tactic: suicidal ramming. The victims include Malaysian warships in international water, often deviously disguised by the evil Malaysian government with civilian markings, women and children, no weapons, and the misleading cries of "Wait! Don't shoot! We're really just tourists, for God's Sake! Stop it! Please!" No Indonesian captain has ever been fooled by such lies. Other targets include whatever ships and rowboats the Navy fancies ramming.
The highly-trained Indonesian Commando Special Forces (KOPASUS) have, to date, killed billions of criminals and suspicious persons, which is an amazing accomplishment, especially considering that there are only 270 million people in Indonesia.
Edity college-age, many students have actually attacked themselves and administered self-beatings or had hunger strikes against themselves or even against food itself.
Indonesia's population is composed of diverse ethnic groups who constantly slaughter each other. The major ethnic groups are Javanese, Sundanese, Wobbliknees, Monkees, Florida Keys, Alan Keyes, Cheese, and Dramaqueens. They all wear silly hats and smell funny.
A typical Indonesian woman. Indonesian women are very beautiful. Unfortunately, they are known to angrily bit off penises if denied sexual intercourse.
Do not ever try to take a train ride because you need to reserve your chair first or else.
Marrying an Indonesian woman is ill-advised, unless one is a masochist or includes a prenuptial clause denying all forms of alimony.Ethnic Groups
The majority of Indonesians live in fragrant slums, according to traditional Indonesian values. Some groups include:
Preman: Not just punk in style, these dudes also punk in behavior. Although, they don't know The Sex Pistols and only know local indie band. They like to finding trouble and bad fight.
Alay: Not like those western Emos, they are disgusting and they're song are even more. Th3y 4l50 LikEZ T0 sp34K LIk3 TH3ze.
Persija, Arema, Sriwijaya FC (Indonesian Soccer Freak): Like its name, love to play soccer in everywhere, even in your house!!! Always together rush to the stadium for watching the soccer. If they lose, they will berserk and throw a crazy fight, so be careful with these crazies.
Allah's Servants: They only like to say JIHAD!!! and Alhamdullilah!
Maling and Jambret: Usually seen at night and local police station after being knocked out. Watch out in backalley, they love to get your things or don't forget to lock your doors if don't want your goods disappear tonight!
New Rich(Orang kaya baru): These people is compromise young executives shit. Always go to nightclub for getting laid and drunk to spent their holy-fucking-lots-of cash.
and many more but I can't tell you
Now you already know what you want!! Want more?? Wait next week. (even not the original author edit this, still unless there isn't anybody out there edit this crap)
Ethnic Groups
The majority of Indonesians live in fragrant slums, according to traditional Indonesian values. Some groups include:
Preman: Not just punk in style, these dudes also punk in behavior. Although, they don't know The Sex Pistols and only know local indie band. They like to finding trouble and bad fight.
Alay: Not like those western Emos, they are disgusting and they're song are even more. Th3y 4l50 LikEZ T0 sp34K LIk3 TH3ze.
Persija, Arema, Sriwijaya FC (Indonesian Soccer Freak): Like its name, love to play soccer in everywhere, even in your house!!! Always together rush to the stadium for watching the soccer. If they lose, they will berserk and throw a crazy fight, so be careful with these crazies.
Allah's Servants: They only like to say JIHAD!!! and Alhamdullilah!
Maling and Jambret: Usually seen at night and local police station after being knocked out. Watch out in backalley, they love to get your things or don't forget to lock your doors if don't want your goods disappear tonight!
New Rich(Orang kaya baru): These people is compromise young executives shit. Always go to nightclub for getting laid and drunk to spent their holy-fucking-lots-of cash.
and many more but I can't tell you
Now you already know what you want!! Want more?? Wait next week. (even not the original author edit this, still unless there isn't anybody out there edit this crap)
Speciesism
Indonesian society has not just overcome racism, but they have also overcome speciesism. In fact, rats and other rodents are given full citizenship in Indonesia and are free to roam the cities, particularly Jakarta. They also have the right to vote. Many rodents obtain employment in the public sector, even serving in political parties and key government positions.
Undead Indonesians
Scientific research confirms that Indonesia is heavily populated by ghosts, sometimes referred to as "the undead" which basically means the same thing as "alive". This leads to a lot of confusion, but some creatures are semi-physical ectoplasms mingling with the living (or dying) population. Indonesian cities are swarming with such beings who often cannot afford housing. These ghosts inhabit schools, public toilets, parks, mediocre hospitals and, of course, cemeteries. Ironically many poor living (or dying) Indonesians live in cemeteries as well. Also, sometimes Indonesians use cemeteries to dispose of dead bodies that are too far gone to eat.The primary exports from Indonesia are corruption, slave labor, and terrorism. Other exports include:
Pollution and Garbage
Human garbage
worn flip-flops
Garbage humans
Corrupt officials for Switzerland and Singapore
Cadavers of innocent Australian tourists accused of drug smuggling
(flat) Boobs
Prostitutes to Malaysia
Baby To Israel
Low class maids to Singapore and Hong Kong
Language
Most Malays speak a local dialect of Indonesian. Indoneisan is the defintive version of Malay, since Malay comes from the KFC Kingdom of Jambi in Palembang in Indonesia. Neighbouring Malaysians are too fucking stupid and Arabg anus-lickers culturally proud to bother pronouncing Malay correctly. These examples illustrate the linguistic divergence of Indonesian Malay from "King's Malay":
Intended meaning Malaysian description Indonesian interpretation
Maternity Ward Rumah Sakit Korban Lelaki Clinic for the Victims of Men
The Army Laskar Hentak-Hentak Bumi Troops Stomping the Earth
Veteran Association Laskar Tak Berguna Troops of Useless Soldiers
The Navy Laskar Basah Kuyup Troops Soaked Wet
Ministry of Law and Human Rights Kementrian Tuduh Menuduh Ministry of Accusations
Ministry of Religion Kementrian Tak Berdosa Ministry without Sins
Ministry of Mineral Resources Kementrian Gali Lubang Ministry of Digging Holes
Ministry of Forestry Kementrian Semak Belukar Ministry of Thorny Shrubs and Bushes
Foreign Ministry Kementrian Seberang Lautan Ministry Across the Sea
Refrigerator Peti Sejuk Cold Coffin
Psychiatric Hospital Gubuk Gila Crazy Hut
Security Guard Penunggu Maling Thief Guard
I Awak Crew
Automobile Kereta Train
Joystick Batang Senang Happy Stick
You Awak Crew
Free Percuma Hopeless
Indonesian Malay dialect originated from various grunts and rants uttered during sexual intercourse. In time, these unintelligible sounds evolved into a more sophisticated method of communication in which all participants pretend to understand each other.
Regardless of the origin, Indonesian is a very simple language. Some grammatical elements are absent, including personal pronouns, verbal adjectives, dangling modifiers, and dative conjunctions. Later development also discarded verbs, adjectives, nouns, and adverbs. These developments have been praised by expert linguists as "pretty cool, yo!" as they render the language very easy to learn. This trend has reversed. To add sophistication, most contemporary Indonesian literature inserted new grammatical features, such as dialectal expletive causal modal dative verbal third-person conjugative adjectival imperative constructs, as well as other more complex structures.
Popular Indonesian names usually starts with su-, such as: Sukarno, Suharto, Sudirman, Susilo, Sudimampir, Sumarjinah, Suminem, Sukiyem, Superman, Sumringah, Su Asu, Sundal, Susu, Suffer, Suck, Suka Suka gw, Suka Suka lo, Sumpah aneh abis, .
Secondary Languages
Due to pressures and intimidation from various civilizations, Indonesians have been reluctantly forced to adopt several foreign languages. Some of such languages are artificially made to be difficult just to confuse the Indonesians. The native Indonesians eventually realized this, and responded by severely corrupting the foreign languages to the point that they are incomprehensible; ironically, the Indonesians didn't even intend to corrupt these languages on purpose. The inability of Indonesian students to learn foreign languages has produced unusual dialects. Some butchered Indonesian language variants include:
HEbrew
Today Indonesia so many people speak hebrew
Broken Dutch (obsolete)
A failed attempt by the Dutch to teach Indonesians their language resulted in broken Dutch, which annoyed the Dutch and Indonesians alike. Eventually, the Dutch remembered that their own language is merely Retarded German and that nobody, not even the Dutch, can figure out the difference between Dutch and Danish, and nobody cares anyway, so they just gave up.
Broken English
Broken English consists primarily of out-of-context quotations from pirated American movies. It is not unusual to hear an Indonesian attempt to greet an American or British tourist with statements like "Hasta la vista, baby." or "I am your father, Luke." or even "Shut the fuck up, Donnie."
Mispronounced Arabic
Since Islam is the main superstition in Indonesia, and the Qur'an, or Kerrang, is only written in Arabic, some Indonesians have tried to learn Arabic. Besides being written right-to-left, exactly the opposite of normal languages, Arabic is, of course, also spoken backwards. Confused Indonesians often attempt to compensate by standing on their heads.
Incorrect Mandarin
Given China's proximity and influence on Indonesia, Mandarin might seem to be a natural lingua franca for Indonesia, but most Indonesians merely point to whatever looks good on the menu rather than bothering to learn the language.
Erroneous Japanese
Many Indonesians have dealings with the Japanese. Tired of attempting to communicate in Engrish, many Indonesians have attempted to learn Japanese. Many have been quite successful, even mastering the out-of-sync mouth movements so popular among Japanese speakers. Unfortunately, the Indonesians are usually performing oral sex on the Japanese while speaking and are nearly impossible to understand anyway.
Bahasa Indonesia
At some point Indonesians were no longer able to recognize from language comes which word or grammatical structure and how to use them correctly. That's how Bahasa Indonesia has been created. This language consists of parts of all those broken languages that are/were used in India... uhm... Indonesia. But this part about the India may be true as well.
